tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3929890107619395752024-03-04T22:19:10.574-08:00Flutterby FoundationYounginshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05496298210828892165noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392989010761939575.post-81227470877061427002012-01-18T21:12:00.000-08:002012-01-18T21:12:00.532-08:00Flutterby<br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">What we have learned with the beginning stages of our grief, is that through the bitter comes the sweet. Our loss is bitter but we have a lot of sweet that has transformed! Our foundation is for those that experience this bitter, yet we can give them some sweet!<br /><br />We were able to FlutterBy our FIRST family this past weekend! Even though It's nothing to celebrate we are grateful we can FlutterBy and give them some sweet! Our hearts and prayers are with this family and hope they feel their angel close as well as everyone who helped this foundation possible!<br /><br />Xoxo fluttering by!!!!</span></h6>
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><br /></span></div>Younginshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05496298210828892165noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392989010761939575.post-60816748126476768052012-01-05T18:34:00.001-08:002012-01-05T18:35:49.714-08:00My 6 Month Thoughts<br />
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Wow my baby girl would have been 6 months this month. weird....</div>
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I feel like a 6 month baby is a huge mile stone, they are usually on a schedule, they are starting to interact, smiling and making cute noises...I want all that... I am jealous of all those who have it. I'm jealous of the joy a baby brings to life. I am jealous of those that don't know this pain.</div>
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I absolutely hate the emptiness that I feel. I look at pictures of when i was pregnant,</div>
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and ask "WHO is that girl?" I look happy, innocent, full of life, and so excited for the life ahead.</div>
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Now when I see pictures of me I see so much pain in my eyes. Maybe thats why some people don't talk to me anymore, I look too sad... uhgh and i'm sorry for that.</div>
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I'm sorry that people have to be careful around me, I hate that too. My friends and cousins are having babies, i'm excited for them, i am hopeful that they will have a good outcome, and i am happy for them! I know they are sad for me and they are being careful around me. I hate that!</div>
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I want all to know that this is how I feel about pregnant women, delivery and babies.</div>
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I am happy for you!</div>
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I had a great pregnancy! I would love to talk about my experience, what made me nauseous, what I craved, how she moved, how I never went into labor ughhgh, and to ALWAYS know that we have a motherlys instinct!!</div>
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I had a great delivery, I love talking about it!</div>
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I gave birth to a beautiful girl.</div>
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I want to hold MY IzzyJane, so if I don't want to hold your baby, be understanding. Its hard to hold a baby when I can't touch, see, or even smell izzy! TOO much pain.</div>
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But I do want to see you and your baby! It's hard but thats the way it is. I know that!</div>
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I honestly don't like the sounds of a crying baby. It's a noise I never heard coming out of Izzy, and that is painfully excruciating.</div>
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I don't mind you complaining about the hard things that come to being a mom, cause lets be honest i'm sure its an adjustment. But just know i would die to have any hard thing that comes with a baby.</div>
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If you let me complain about my baby belly fat or even saggy boobs, i'll let you complain about it too. I think women's bodies should go back to normal after all the sacrifice we go through!</div>
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I am writing these things because I want people to know where i stand so your not awkward with me and you know that i am TRULY happy for you! If you can't handle my thought about this that's ok, i understand. I hope one day I will be able to have a "normal" experience where people will want to talk about my experience cause hopefully my next baby will be breathing, crying, and pooping! I will always compare IzzyJane to my other pregnancies. She is all of me just like your babies are all of you! She will always be in my thoughts, she is apart of my family. She has a nursery waiting for her other siblings to take over her bed, clothes, diapers, binkies, etc etc.</div>
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she is my first and I love every moment of who we were together, and now, who we are apart....</div>
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What it boils down too is that I HATE THIS and I'm trying to be "normal" but it's hard to navigate through this mess!</div>
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What I do love is that I have an angel who is helping me give back to others and I have more awearness of others.</div>
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IZ IS and that IS Love beauty and healing! Thanks IZzy for making me awaken to beauty!</div>
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<br /></div>Younginshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05496298210828892165noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392989010761939575.post-39067420163670396202011-11-02T20:36:00.000-07:002011-11-02T20:48:18.085-07:004 months<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It has been 4 months and I have to say we have done a lot in the 4 months that our sweet IzzyJane has been gone. A friend from high school (Brittany Manookin) contacted me to see if I would like to share my story sense the month of October is not only breast cancer awareness month but also pregnancy and infant loss awareness.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was very hesitant. For many reasons, the moments that we had with IzzyJane were precious, did we want to share that to the world? Then I was afraid of what kind of response we would get, and then i was worried about how the interview would go. What if I said the wrong things, or forgot to say what I wanted and needed to be said! Well after talking to Danny about the opportunity we decided to go ahead and do it for many reasons that counteracted the things that I was nervous about! IzzyJane is precious, so are all of the other babies that have died. I want to share her, I want people to say to me what they would say to any living baby. I want to see and help other families that have lost their babies. I want to let people know that they are not alone. So we thought this would be a perfect way to let people know about our foundation.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The FlutterBy IzzyJane Foundation. Our goal in starting this foundation is to sustain and assist those families met with the unexpected financial funeral expenses, to preserve the memory that the impact of life -no matter how small in quantity - is Forever etched in our minds and hearts and to present new mothers and infants with personalized, handmade (Forever) bracelets.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So when the time came to watch our segment I was so nervous. We didn't tell many people about it, manly because I was still nervous about the idea. but here it is...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">see what you think..<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">.<a href="http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=17851105" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"Parents of Stillborn Share Message of Hope"</span></a></span></b></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Happy Halloween to all the angel babies that were supposed to be here! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We wish you were able to wear a cute costume to show you off! </span></div>
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"Almost every one knows that October is breast cancer awareness month, but most people don't know that it's also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. It's time that people start talking about this too. People will wear bracelets and shirts that boldly say, "BOOBIES" on it, but people don't want to hear about or talk about someone's dead baby. Guess what, I guarantee you, that baby's Mommy wan<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">ts to talk about them.<br /><br />We want people to want to try to understand and to remember.<br /><br />Be apart of spreading awareness:<br /><a href="http://www.iamtheface.org/">I am the face</a> get your badge (there are supporter badges too!), and information on how to spread awareness.<br />Check out Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope <a href="http://facesofloss.com/" rel="nofollow nofollow" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">http://facesofloss.com/</a> website, started by a mom who's beautiful girl, Stevie, was born still. It's an excellent source of support for mothers who are on this journey. There is also a section for families and friends- it has tips on what to do, and what to say- an amazing website.<br />Carly Marie's Project Heal, <a href="http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/">http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/</a> a website run by a mom who's son, Christian, was also born still. There are many tips for family and friends. A beautiful website with tons of great information.<br />Share: <a href="http://www.nationalshare.org/family-friends.html" rel="nofollow nofollow" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank"><span>http://www.nationalshare.org/f</span><wbr></wbr><span class="word_break" style="display: inline-block;"></span>amily-friends.html</a> a website dedicated to those you have lost a pregnancy or infant. More tips or family and friends."</span></div>
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</div>Younginshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05496298210828892165noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-392989010761939575.post-71794314783704482992011-07-26T08:35:00.000-07:002011-07-26T08:35:09.181-07:00IzzyJanes Stillbirth Story<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwzo7wHR54e0fdZRAogjloR0Zf0_l027mCyRJ-Cnr_XZ1rQNuxEo7sF0yUe-s55P27iCemmZZfeneJ4K6hurSyEBKL5zXJfs6Jk1dq2xUOBQW2YoW0ufv1yYOdewSAQGxKETwJ_pbmuLc/s1600/IMG_5041.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwzo7wHR54e0fdZRAogjloR0Zf0_l027mCyRJ-Cnr_XZ1rQNuxEo7sF0yUe-s55P27iCemmZZfeneJ4K6hurSyEBKL5zXJfs6Jk1dq2xUOBQW2YoW0ufv1yYOdewSAQGxKETwJ_pbmuLc/s640/IMG_5041.JPG" width="640" /></a><br />
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<div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">My Sweet baby girl IzzyJane </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">You came into this world "sleeping"</div></span></span><br />
<div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">You were born with a silent heart, while mine is trying to keep beating. </span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">You and I were a team for 41 weeks, and it came to end way to soon. </span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">We went in to the doctors thinking we would get to take you home with us, that was until we found out that your heart was no longer beating. </span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">We will always wonder why it turned out this way, because I know you miss me as much as I miss you! We might toss and turn, trying to figure it out why an umbilical cord can create a life, and then take it away, but I do know that there are no answers cause you are perfectly beautiful. Your spirit gave me purpose in life and I was so scared to have you come out of me and not have your spirit there. Your Dad was our savior, our strength, without him I don't know if i could have done it. I will always wonder why they didn't induce me at 40 weeks when we were still together. </span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">When they did induce me I was in labor for 7 hours, our whole family was there trying to make me laugh, yet we were all breaking. Aunt Katie got inspired and bought us matching "Forever" bracelets. I wear mine everyday, as do you, You will forever be mine and I yours! </span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Then it came time to deliver you, I was crying knowing that you already been delivered into the </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">hands of God. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had dreamt about this moment every night and now it was so real yet so far gone t</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">o know that I wouldn't hear your cries made my cries louder.</span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">I some how got power and strength and was able to push you into the world. Words cannot even describe what a miracle giving birth is, it only took 30 minutes and then you were all mine to hold, to smell, and to see. I know you were with us in spirit, but oh </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">IzzyJane</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">, I wished a miracle could have brought you back to me! </span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Your body was so warm, your body was perfect, your face was absolutely gorgeous, your hands and feet were so precious! </span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">I watched dad weigh you, and I was shocked that you weighed only 6lb 6oz because you looked so full and plump, yet you were so long and skinny. I guess you get both from me, a little plump but long! </span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">The nurses were amazing, and set up a photographer to come and take pictures of our family.</span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">It was a spiritual moment, knowing we are a family yet your spirit is with our heavenly father. </span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">We then had our family come in to greet you, the love that we all have for you is indescribable. We all took turns examining you, all is awe that you were created inside of me and so perfect. </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">You are truly a gift from God. </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">We got to have you all night, and the next day. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">we couldn't sleep, yearning for these moments that we weren't going to take home with us. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">I cuddled you, held your hand, feeling how sweet your spirit is and holding on to every scent! </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Dad took pictures of you all night, holding you on his chest, weeping. </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">We even cut some of your long brown hair!</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">The next day we didn't wake up from this nightmare, and the hours were slipping by so fast, I couldn't bare to leave you. How could a mother and father leave their child? It was unbearable, even though we know you were with us. </span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">We dressed you, swaddled you, and handed you to the nurse, and walked away empty. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Ohhh</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> how I dreamt of this all being different and the only hope I have is that I can do it all again. I now go through the days without you, yearning for you. I visit your resting place daily (as your cousin London calls it, Izzy's Palace) and I feel you close, but it will never be the same without you!</span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> You are my Joy, you are my light.</span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">I will always feel a longing to hold you, hear you, see you, but I do know you are holding me, listening to me and watching over me. When I smile, I can see your smile, when I cry I know you are catching my tears, and when I talk to you I know you are listening. You will forever be mine!</span></span></div><div class="" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">I love you more than words can express. </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Love your momma</span></span></div>Younginshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05496298210828892165noreply@blogger.com6